Photo: Diego Fernandes 2007
It would be hard to forget that first time
I saw You walking jerkily at the
End of that ‘host’s’ arm like an unwilling
Dog on a leash with your friend and You gig-
Gling into your hands every guy in that
Place following You with his eyes every
Guy except that Southern Boy sitting at
My table he was watching me with a
Deep hunger an appetite my naiveté
Couldn’t recognize at the time and I
Only saw for a moment because I
Was looking at You crossing that room
Like a beauty contest winner Southern
Boy and I both had our San Miguel sit-
Ting in front of us mine with my ever
Necessary lemon and he had sat
Down at my table when he found me there
Solitary sure that I needed com-
Pany sure that I needed his compan-
Ionship he asked so enthusiastic-
Ly if he could buy me a drink just like
I was one of your fellow working girls
Of course I told him I already had
A beer coming while I looked around the
Room for someone to dance with someone the
Most interesting faces the most in-
Teresting posture the most interest-
Ing vignettes and way over on the o-
Ther side of the room I saw Vince the fu-
Ture Mafioso catch my attention
Because he was teasing one of your fel-
Low working girls with slight of hand tricks ma-
King money appear and disappear and in
The darkest corner away from the floor
Show floor the married guys who worked out to-
Gether competed to see who could car-
Ry the most soda cases always want-
Ed to be assigned together they were
Sitting in that dark corner with a cou-
Ple of your fellow working girls who had
Small glasses of something in front of them
And had boredom engraved on their heavy
Make-up probably because those two mar-
Ried guys were fondling one another un-
Der the table that was kind of like a
Great secret little story going on
Which I lost the thread of because the ‘host’
Whom Southern Boy called a pimp arrived and
In an insistent tone asked us if we
Wanted a girlfriend and we told him we
Were having beers and he just repeated
Do you want a girlfriend he repeated
And Southern Boy and I said at the same
Time at the very same time Southern Boy
Said no and I said yes and I laughed be-
Cause it sounded funny so the pimp guy
The ‘host’ said to me again do you want
A girlfriend not like it was a question
But more like a necessary access-
Sory and I laughed and said Okay but
She had better be beautiful … in fact
She had better be drop dead gorgeous and
That guy had a look like you know is that
All? Like Woman Beautiful was in
Every corner and under every ta-
Ble a look that said Too Easy Give Me
A Challenge but I still thought and thought that
It was going to be interesting
To see who he came back with and then he
Disappeared and Southern Boy was starting
To lecture me about how they cheat in
Those places and the girls only drink tea
Instead of alcohol and ask stupid
Questions and want us to buy them stupid
Helicopters and didn’t I want to talk
To him wouldn’t I rather talk to a
Civilized man instead of a monkey
And he smiled and leaned across the table
And put his mouth on the neck of his beer
Slowly and after taking a slug of
Beer looked at me with droopy eyes and beer
Wet lips and then that guy the ‘host’ the pimp
Arrived with You and your friend in tow and
Southern Boy told him I told you I told
You I didn’t want one of your whores and
That pimp guy, the ‘host’ just ignored him and
Sat You down next to me and I couldn’t
Speak You were so beautiful I couldn’t
Stop staring at You and Southern Boy got
Mad and marched away left me alone with
You and your friend and I just kept staring
And that guy the ‘host’ the pimp said buy her
A drink so I asked if You wanted a
Drink and not to listen to that guy the
Pimp because he was a jerk and he said
Again you have to buy her a drink or
She can’t stay here and that was enough for
Me so I said whatever You would like
You can have tea or coke or whiskey or
Water I don’t care and then your friend laughed
And said something in Tagalog and You
Looked at that guy the pimp the ‘host’ and so
Politely said You’d have a coke and he
That guy the ‘host’ the pimp was mad because
You didn’t order something expensive and
I said Here and I handed him a lot
Of pesos and said go buy yourself a
Girlfriend then your friend laughed so loud every-
One looked at our table if they hadn’t al-
Ready been looking at You and You laughed
Softly and that guy the pimp the ‘host’
Was mad but took the money and said it
Was extra to buy the girls out of the
Bar I said I didn’t want to buy the girls
Out of the bar I wanted to drink my
Beer and listen to the band and he just
Flipped the money through his fingers and said
It was extra to buy the girls out of
The bar and your friend laughed and said something
To him the ‘host’ the pimp in Tagalog
And he the pimp the ‘host’ looked mad he looked
Stormy and walked away and that was the
First part of the story to keep and I
Laughed and I don’t know how she knew but your
Friend said to You that’s Gypsy and Gypsy
Was my nickname in one of the bars a
Bar somewhere else in the town because I
Read palms the lines in palms there but that was
Another bar on another night and
You weren’t there but your friend said that’s Gypsy
And You wanted to know why I was called
Gypsy and she told You to give me your
Hand I could see your future in the lines
I would look into the future of your
Lines and even though You looked doubtful You
Held out your hand and it was beautiful
So beautiful too so I leaned in ve-
Ry close so I could smell your scent and to talk
In your beautiful ear with the little
Earring because the band was playing some
Loud rock anthem and I could see your lips
Moving and they were beautiful too but
It was like a dream because they were mov-
Ing they were talking to me and what was
Coming out was loud rock anthem and I
Tried to hear but the band was trying to
Speak for You so I leaned in very close
So I could smell your scent and talk in your
Beautiful ear with the little earring
And said I don’t want to read your palm I
Want to kiss it and I was so embar-
Rassed because instead of something ro-
Mantic or intimate You said really
Loud WHAT because the band was playing a
Loud rock anthem so I couldn’t repeat what
I said because I wanted to kiss your
Palm so I took advantage of your poor
Beautiful hand and ravished it with my
Aroused fingers I reached into every
Line and I ran my fingers around the
Outline of your nails and folded your fin-
Gers together with mine so I could feel
Them touching the webbing between my fin-
Gers and I made your hands and fingers dance
On mine and I could tell You didn’t quite know
What to do so I made up some bogus
Future for You when the band got quiet
And then I was shouting in the quiet
And I kept staring at You and asking
If You wanted another drink and You
Hadn’t even finished the first and I kept
Wishing the band would start up again be-
Cause I wanted to lean over very
Close so I could smell your scent and talk in
Your beautiful ear with the little ear-
Ring and ask You why You were wearing that
Strange prim little blue dress with the white col-
Lar and not what the other girls wore those
Clear plastic shoes with glitter embedded
In the plastic and low cut dresses with
Glitter embedded in the small buttons
And those bright colored stockings I wanted
To ask You why You didn’t wear those things I
Wanted to but I didn’t I just kept fin-
Gering your hands and creating your faux
Future fortune and pretty soon You laughed
At something I said and your laugh was too
Beautiful and when You laughed I could tell
You were relaxing because You gave me
The littlest hit on my hand and then my
Arm and told me I was bad I would have
Bought You and your friend out of the bar right
Then but your friend knew everything I didn’t
And told me if I wanted to leave then
It was more money and the guy the pimp
The ‘host’ would get it and I would have to
Wait or come back later but I was a-
Fraid You were like a rare sale item that
Would disappear if I left so I couldn’t
Think and while I couldn’t think I thought of ways
We could just sneak out or leave that place or
Push that guy the ‘host’ the pimp off the bal-
Cony because I didn’t want to stay there
And I didn’t want to leave and I didn’t want
To stay and I didn’t want to leave and then
The band started playing a loud rock an-
Them and I ordered another San Mi-
Guel and I hated it and I hated
The band and I hated that guy the pimp
The ‘host’ and I hated your friend for being
So sensible and I stared at You try-
Ing to not be able to think and I
Did silly things like looking through the beer
Bottle at your beautiful chin and eyes
Wiping the sweat from the cold brown bottle
Onto the table and writing stupid
Made-up words and stupid made-up al-
Phabets and yelling questions at You o-
Ver the loud rock anthem about where You
Were from and why did You leave and how come
There was a war and did You like this loud
Rock Anthem and did You like the band and
How did You get here and did your whole fam-
Ily come and why couldn’t we just leave
And You were very patient and You answered
All my stupid questions two or three times
Over the sound of a band playing a
Loud rock anthem just like You were taking
A test in school then your friend said we should
Dance and I really really wanted to
Dance and You really really didn’t want
To dance and because I really really
Wanted to do what You wanted to do
I said it was okay but I really
Really wanted to dance with You and I got
Kind of mad and asked your friend to dance but
She said I ought to dance with You but You
Wouldn’t so I couldn’t and I got kind of mad
Because I could still see the married guys
In the dark corner holding hands under
The table and all I could do was play
With your hand on top of our table so
I pulled You toward me like I was going
To talk in your beautiful ear with the
Little earring or tell You something a-
Bout your faux future and I couldn’t help
Myself I kissed inside the crease of your
Right elbow and smelled it at the same time
You jerked your arm a little but then You
Relaxed when I put my head in your lap
And You put your left hand onto my head
And brushed my short hair back and forth and your
Friend laughed and I could see the girls with the
Married guys looking across that room at
Us because they had to keep tilting their
Heads and craning their necks one way then the
Other to see around the crowd on the
Dance floor where I really really wanted
To be dancing with You but You really
Really didn’t want to dance and I really
Really wanted to do what You wanted
Even to the music of a loud rock
Anthem so I had my head in your lap
And your friend was laughing and the married
Guys were feeling each other and the girls
With them were watching us not dancing and
Mafioso Vince was doing tricks and
Then my friend showed up he started looking
At your friend like I was looking at You
And he bought her a drink she said something
In your beautiful ear with the little
Earring I couldn’t hear because the band
Was playing a loud rock anthem but You
Looked at me while she was talking like You
Were afraid I could hear and then You said
Something to your friend in her ear and my
Friend asked what was going on and your friend
Told him he was going to dance with her
And I really really wanted to dance
With You but You really really did not
Want to dance and I really really did
Want to do what You wanted to do if
Even to the sound of a band playing
A loud rock anthem so my friend and your
Friend they gathered the floor under their feet
Under the flashing lights flashing to the
Rhythm of the loud rock anthem and faces
Flashed and feet moved and hips moved together
Then apart and turning and I just looked
At You and asked more stupid questions a-
Bout where and how and who and You asked how
I became Gypsy and I asked when and
How and who and if You liked to read and
You said no and I didn’t care because
I was looking at your beautiful face
And your beautiful eyebrows and your strange
Prim little dress with white collar and
No glitter anywhere I kept thinking
About how your face disappeared in the
Black light while your white collar glowed and my
Black jacket vanished except for speckles
That glowed like my white shirt that showed bright blue
Then the house band stopped playing the loud rock
Anthem and the dancing stopped and my friend
And your friend came back to their drinks and our
Table with the beer bottle sweat rings and
The chairs with padded bottoms and that guy
The ‘host’ the pimp came back and asked my friend
If he was going to take your friend out
‘On a date’ and your friend said my friend was
Going to buy her another drink and
My friend did and then he bought me ano-
Ther San Miguel and asked if You wanted
Something and I said You didn’t then You
Said You did and I got a little an-
Gry because I wanted to buy You a
Drink and You said no and I asked if You
Wanted to dance when the music started
Because I really really wanted to
Dance with You and I wanted to dance slow
But You really really didn’t want to dance
Fast or slow and I really really would
Do whatever You wanted me to do
So the music started and my friend took
Your friend and they danced under the flashing
Lights and they slow danced and I grabbed your hand
And kissed the palm but You pulled your hand back
You pulled the palm back I kissed and picked up
The drink my friend bought and touched it with your
Beautiful lips and put it back down in
It’s very own sweat ring while the house band
Played a loud rock anthem so I said once
Again I begged again I pleaded a-
Gain I asked again to dance to slow house
Band loud rock anthem and your face changed once
To a silly smile and You said okay
But first I had to dance alone You told
Me I had to dance alone so I took
Your beautiful hand again and said and
Then asked and begged and pleaded and pleaded
So really really first I’ll dance alone
Then You’ll dance with me and You said sure yes
Go dance and then dance alone and I will
Really really dance but I really don’t
Want to dance but dance alone and then You
Pointed with your beautiful finger to
Some place under the flashing lights dance there
Alone and then I’ll dance with you and You
Know I jumped up to dance and the music
Changed and flashing lights slowed and on the floor
All the people left the dance floor even
The married guys who danced with the girls who
Drank at their table then danced together
And neither knew who was supposed to lead
But it was funnier when they danced hard
Because the girls got drunk at their table
Then I could hear a Mafioso laugh
And the lights slowed down and the music slowed
Down and the people sweating slowed down and
Everyone but me left the slow music
Dance floor and walked with drinks in their hands or
Hands in their hands or empty bored eyes and
Everyone walked through the slow flashing lights
And back to their tables that were close to
The door or close to the corners or on
The balcony everyone except me
Because You said dance there dance there alone
And pointed your finger and You said You
Would dance with me if I first danced alone
And I really really wanted to dance
With You but You really really didn’t want
To dance then You said You would if I danced
Alone by myself in the slow flashing
Lights to the slow moving music alone
With everyone watching I danced slowly
Like Fred waiting for Ginger I stood still
For a moment then gathered my courage
Because when I finished You said You would
Dance and I danced to slow lights and I danced
In slow motion and I danced alone and
I turned and I made my hands into strange
Monsters and touched the floor that was dirty
And I crouched and I stretched and I
Reached for the lights but I couldn’t reach so
I jumped up and I made my arms swing like
Apes in a forest and I made myself spin
And I almost forgot You were watching
But You said You would dance with me and I
Wanted to dance and the lights stopped flashing
And I stopped moving and the music stopped
And You were looking at me and your friend
Talked in your beautiful ear with the lit-
Tle earring and your friend and my friend pushed
You into the lights and onto the floor
And into my arms and a light flashed and
Some music played and my leg touched your leg
And your beautiful body and I put
My head down next to your head and smelled your
Scent and looked at the floor behind You and
Remembered it was dirty and wiped my
Hands on my pants then put my arms under
Your arms and You hardly touched me with your
Arms or your body but I pulled You close
Because I really really wanted to
Dance with You then the music changed and You
Walked away and went back to the table
Where the beers and drinks my friend bought were there
Waiting in their very own sweat rings and
The married guys were feeling each other
Mafioso Vince was doing tricks and
The house band played us a loud rock anthem
