I Will Never Be Consul To Burma

I will never be consul to Burma,

         ambassador to France.

I will never shake a president’s hand, nor

         would I bow before a queen or king.

I can bless a pope or lama,

a minister or priest

as well as grill a burger

or perform a remarkable feat

I am neither criminal nor saint.

         Award me or deride me, you

                  cannot change a stone

                  into a parakeet.